I was reading an article about blogging and how it helps some people loose weight. I figured it can't hurt since I've tried everythng else to loose weight, except surgery. I've titled my blog 'big, blonde and beautiful" because this is my mantra. I tell myself this, but I don't actually believe it. I just hope that the more I say it to myself that one day I may actually believe it. I try to hide my pain behind a smile, well manicured hands, make-up and nice clothes, but no one really knows how horrible I feel. I HATE being fat! I hate everything about being fat; not being able to see my feet or put my socks on w/o getting winded, having a seatblet that is too tight, being disgusted when I see my reflection, not sleeping because because my sleep apnea is so bad, not being able to be intimate with my husband and worse of all I hate what I am teaching my daughters, yet I can't seem to take the steps I need to to get this fat suit I wear off. It is my hope that putting myself out there will help me face reality and finally do waht I need to to love myself and loose the weight.